April 5, 2000

Your first Christmas. Your first place. Your first dinner. Your first fight. The first time you are called "Mrs. ____"

The first time I saw him in jail.

April 5th, 2000 I brought my husband to jail. He had accepted a plea agreement of 6 months in jail and 2 years probation for Criminal Mischief, Criminal Threatening & Harrassment. I saw him in cuffs, in an orange suit, I walked out of the cement building with tiny glass windows & begain the worse 120 days of my life. He called several times every day, crying that he was scared he was going to be attacked. He begged me to get him out somehow. He would then scream at me and hang up, knowing I couldn't call him back. I would be frantic til he called back. I tried to get him out on an ankle braclet/home confinement but the DA opposed and he had to stay. Jim told me his mother would never have allowed this to happen, I needed to do something. He was punched a few times, speant several nights in the hole. He called several times a day, crying & begging me to do something. He told me I had failed him. Then he would tell me I was his angel that was keeping him hanging on. He went to anger management classes while there. He attended bible studies. He seemed to really committ to the Lord. He wrote me letters mentioning how he wanted to live a more Christ like life. I visited every Sunday, even when my Dad was admitted into the hospital June 24th for his lung transplant. I split my time between MA visiting Dad and NH to take Jim's calls and visit him in jail. Verizon stock holders should send me a thank you note for all the money they earned while I accepted collect calls from jail. I think I personally put the VP's son threw 2 years of law school. I tried to work but I was emotional drained. Some money from Jim's mothers IRA came threw and I was able to buy 2 trailers (one for us, one for my parents) as Jim wished. Jim was released on Aug 2nd, 2000.

I had thought I would get rest during the time Jim was in jail; it was worse. The emotional strain was almost unbearable. Dad died July 23rd, 5 days before my birthday-7 days before we moved-10 days before Jim got out of jail.

What was suppose to bring joy, didn't. It was suppose to be a time of renewed life with Dad's transplant, instead it brought death. It was suppose to be a time of putting Jim's jail/anger behind us, instead it brought more outbursts. It was suppose to be a time of settling into our new homes, instead it was a sleezy trailer park that made me cry myself to sleep to live in. It was suppose to bring some financial freedom from his mother's estate, instead it was another opportunity for his family to treat him poorly.

Everything seemed to be spiralling out of control.

but the eternal optimist in me refused to believe that the worse was not behind us....