Round n' Round

Remember when you were a kid and the merry-go-round was the coolest thing in the amusement park? When it is your emotions/life, it is not so cool.

I had been collecting unemployment (from being laid off during the summer for the school bus driving job) and Jim was working at Governor's. Then Jim lost his job and I threw my back out. Money got tight and Jim got depressed. We fought often about his choice of friends. I suspected a friend of his was having him be the "runner" for drug sales. Jim sold some of the vicodin I had been prescribed for my back. Whenever he got mad at me he would yell "why don't you just divorce me then if it's so bad?" I caught Jim talking dirty online to a woman. He broke almost every dish we had. I had to hang pictures up where he had punched holes in the walls.

I begged him to go to marriage counseling. He said all I had to do was let him do what he wanted and he would "bear the thought of staying with me."

I caught him cheating online again. He seemed indifferent to my anguish. He didn't even apologize.

Then a friend betrayed him and another attacked him. He came home crying and as I comforted him he apologized again for the way he had been acting. Jim stayed close to home for a few days and showered me with affection. He said he wanted to find another church. I agreed and we called around. I felt lead to Living Water Community Church. The first sunday I attended, I knew I had found my home.

Jim continuted to do "favors" for guys selling grass and arguing that he wasn't really doing anything wrong. I tried in vain to convince him of the potential jail time, he wouldn't listen. He refused to give up some of the negative influences from his friends. He did start working for this woman with 3 kids named Amanda. He wanted me to stay home and let him work. I agreed. Money was very tight but he seemed to florish in the role of sole breadwinner. His anger subsided.

We started marriage counseling with Pastor. I again had hope.

Our "First" Place

On the road again....

I've had lots of experience with moving, but some moves are more memorable than others: the first time you live on your own, your college dorm room, your first house (or trailer) but this time felt so special. Right from the start it felt like "our first place" and it really felt like a new beginning. Their was an air of excitement to this move.

A friend had promised to fill his pick up truck with our bed, bureau, kitchen table/chairs, desk and few items but decided he wanted to be paid the night before our move. So we packed everything we could fit into my escort and headed for our new home without a bed! But God provided. We called salvation army and they had 2 twin mattresses that they put aside for us. We arrived in Waterville after they had closed but found the mattresses against the building.... but had no rope to tie them on the roof of the car. So I prayed and we found a piece of rope on the ground! That first night, we had a tv (no cable), 2 mattresses on the floor, a computer with no desk but we were happy. Jim loved the place. The next day, armed with $15 we went to tag sales and God provided: we found a desk for free, 2 living room chairs for $2 each, some pots and pans, a kitchen table and 2 chairs for $5, a tv stand for $1 and a few odds and ends. When we found the desk our "God rope" again provided a way to get our treasure home. We had dinner together each night, played games, rented free videos from the library. Jim taught me how to play chess. Jim found a job (and God provided again because he needed no slip shoes and Salvation Army had a pair his size!) We made a trip back home to bring our queen bed up (on top of the roof of the escort!). Our apartment became a home. We became a couple.

We were like newlyweds. We had such joy finding things to fill our home. We searched together & picked out a place in canaan for Mom. We went to Solid Rock Baptist Church and though Jim didn't think anyone was friendly enough, he went. He told me every day that he loved me.

I relaxed.