Doing Time

It should be old hat by now. court. bail. visitation. letters. collect calls. handcuffs. jail. fear.

But still bringing my husband to jail shattered my heart. Again.

Jim started what was to be 4 months with good behavior, with 6 weeks already served, at a local jail the end of Sept. 2001. So started the endless calls, screaming one minute, crying the next. He told me once the only power he had while in jail was hanging up on me. It made him feel good knowing I was hurting cause then he knew I loved him. He sent me letters that were a mixture of lashing out, begging me to do something and confessing undying love for me. His ADHD really worked against him in jail. He was written up several times for not "focusing" (now ADHD is just that, the inability to focus). Each time he lost 5 days of good behavior and was thrown in the hole. The infractions were mind-boggling at times. Some were so unjust. But others were proof that Jim wouldn't follow the rules. The jail had the right to decide if Jim could indeed have work release, which they denied. Jim altered between depression and rages. My visits left me drained. I had no one that understod anything I was going threw.

"Doing Time"

Look close, you'll see them

the bars that hold me in

I'm doing time

for someone else's sin

How'd that work out

I'd like to know

You have to stay

I have to go

What traps you

within 4 walls

imprisons me

with every call

I feel your pain

I live your fear

I cry for you

and shed my own tear

I go to sleep

all alone

I'm so lonely

til I hear the phone

Our life is on hold

waiting for this to end

so my weary heart

can start to mend

You may have the bars

but I'm in jail too

I'm doing time

til I can hold you