Friends in low places

They say you are who your friends are. I've never believed that.

Til I met Jim.

Jim started spending a lot of time at Jeff's who owned a computer repair shop. He was doing odd jobs for him and was really excited about starting his own computer repair business one day. Jeff wasn't a christian, was not married, smoked grass and thought talking dirty online was not cheating. He was also a demanding and demeaning man. I did not like him but Jim looked up to him, both professionally and personally. Every waking moment was speant on the computer or down at Jeff's working on computers. Jim said it was for our future. I wanted to be supportive of his dreams, so I kept my feelings about Jeff to myself.

Jim got up from the computer when Jeff called and ran over to his shop (2 doors down) and as I walked past the computer an IM caught my eye. I sent a few vague IM's back to this woman to keep her talking and found out my husband was having an online affair with her. I revealed who I was and she said sorry & to my surprise answered my questions. Jim had found her in a chat room (under adults/NH/romance section) and had complained about how mean his wife was who made him do all the housework, denied his needs and who was fat. I weighed the same weight for the first 4 years of our marriage, had begged Jim for affection & I worked while he did nothing, including housework. I confronted him when he got home and HE EXPLODED! He said I had no right to talk to his online friends and that it was just a fantasy and he needed an "outlet" for all the stuff I pulled on him. He then said perhaps we should not be married but live together like Jeff and his girlfriend, then neither one of us would feel like we could control the other and he could collect more money from disability. He said he was going to smoke grass in the house if he wanted too, have as many harmless online girlfriends as he wanted too and he was no longer going to be my "slave" and do housework while I worked f/t. He said you don't like it, divorce me. I am the man and I am taking control of this house. Lets just say I was not quiet when I voiced my opinion and I can't repeat what I said back. I did tell him if he smoked grass in the house I would call the cops to which he replied "You would be very sorry if you did that. I won't have no (bleep) dissn'g me like that."

He said if I truly loved him whatever he did I would accept. He said he DESERVED to be loved that way and the fact that he stayed with me is enough of a 'REWARD' to me (I kid you not) He laughed when he said "and the bible you like to think you follow little miss perfect says you have to obey me, so there ain't nothing you can do." He sneered at me that if I didn't like it I could divorce him. Then he added "but you won't and I know it cause you're a perfect angel aint you? not. You always make me feel like garbage cause you don't drink or smoke grass or swear and cause you work and go to church. O man I love the look on your face right now. I'm in control baby!"

He had this warped idea of submission, no christian friends/influence and I was trapped. He was right on one thing: I couldn't biblically divorce him. I've never felt so helpless.

Days later he got mad at Jeff when he gave a job to someone else and he felt betrayed. He came home crying. He said everyone would betray him but his Mother. Then he added the only people he had was me and my Mom. He said we needed to start over new, someplace new. He apologized for his outburst and said it was Jeff's influence (I don't disagree with that, who his friends are was how he acted) He again emptied his friends list online, promised he would never go to a chat room again unless it was a christian one and that he loved me and would never make me cry again. He promised he would change and be the christian God wanted him to be.

I didn't believe him.