Broken Vows

The world stopped spinning. I felt all the air leave the room. My heart was: ripped out of my chest, stopped beating, tore in 2.

There are a lot of cliche's out there but that is how it feels when you learn the one you love has cheated on you. And cheating doesn't have to be physical.

I was checking my email before I went to work and didn't know I was in Jim's account. I went to the sent folder for something and saw an email with the subject "rock your world." When I opened that email, the world did stop spinning, the air left the room, my heart stopped beating just before it was torn in 2. Then the world started spinning wicked fast, my heart was about to beat right out of my chest and I couldn't breath. I confronted Jim who gave me some lame excuse of sending the email for a "friend" who wanted to hook up with this woman but had a girlfriend so he did him a "favor" by sending the email from his account. Funny though the email wasn't signed by this friend. The more he lied to me the madder I got. I cried, I screamed, I had words stuck in my throat. I told him to leave, I begged him to tell me what I did wrong, I felt sick to my stomach. I had so many emotions at one time, it was hard to keep up. All the cliche's are true when the rug is pulled out from under you. The cops came and said one of us had to leave and wanted me too since I had to go to work. I have no idea how I drove to the school to pick up the kids (I was a bus driver).

When I got home, the computer had "crashed" and all info was lost. He told me he was sorry he had hurt me. He cried for an hour and told me he realized how much he loved me and didn't want to loose me, though he stuck to his lame story about sending the email for a friend. He deleted a bunch of names from his email and said he would never do anything like that again. I tried to believe his story, I wanted so badly to believe he had been that naive to send an email for a buddy and that it wasn't him. I did believe he was sorry and forgave him. I told him it would take time to trust him again.

Things got better after that. Jim made sure he was home for most evenings to watch a movie with me, made me dinner and went to bed when I did. He hugged me often and told me he loved me. He apologized several times and said it made him realize just how much he loved me when he saw me crying. Though I was hurt and still wanted him to tell me the truth, I let it go. I stopped checking his email and rebuilt the trust I had in him before. I believed it was a one time thing and that this had made us stronger.

Yeah, right.