Reflections

There is nothing harder than watching someone you care about rip their own heart out.

My Mother had to watch me do that.

Lately I seem to be surrounded by friends who are putting their hearts threw the ringer. One is trying desperately to have a relationship with a man who is desperately seeking love and keeps going from one bad relationship to another, turning to drugs/alcohol, turning from God. I reached out but my words couldn't reach him.

A close friend seems determined to keep his heart in misery by not letting go, by constantly reminding himself of what he cannot have, soothing himself at times with alcohol & questioning faith. I've reached out but my words don't seem to reach him.

Then I recall how I seemed to take my heart after/during the divorce and use it as a kick ball. I am sure my Mom and others that loved me longed to help me. I had a rebound relationship that made me feel worse, an online relationship that ended in his untimely death, a relationship that showed me just being a christian doesn't mean it is God's will & I fell for a man I felt lead too but again it was not His will.

So I am sure those that love me have wished I would let my heart heal, that I would leave my heart in God's hands and not take it back. More than anything I wish I could help my friends do that. As I have felt lead to try to soothe others lately and talked about healing/resting your heart, that the only healing comes from God, perhaps God wants me to listen more carefully to those words myself. I have felt convicted to pray for others but I don't always "pray and release." I pray and then try to help to the point of worrying myself needlessly.

I have learned lately that the Holy Spirit convicts, that is not my job. Jesus carries burdens, that is not my job. And truly loving someone means I care enough to leave them in the Lord's hands.

Now all I need is the strength to do that.....