Round n' Round

Remember when you were a kid and the merry-go-round was the coolest thing in the amusement park? When it is your emotions/life, it is not so cool.

I had been collecting unemployment (from being laid off during the summer for the school bus driving job) and Jim was working at Governor's. Then Jim lost his job and I threw my back out. Money got tight and Jim got depressed. We fought often about his choice of friends. I suspected a friend of his was having him be the "runner" for drug sales. Jim sold some of the vicodin I had been prescribed for my back. Whenever he got mad at me he would yell "why don't you just divorce me then if it's so bad?" I caught Jim talking dirty online to a woman. He broke almost every dish we had. I had to hang pictures up where he had punched holes in the walls.

I begged him to go to marriage counseling. He said all I had to do was let him do what he wanted and he would "bear the thought of staying with me."

I caught him cheating online again. He seemed indifferent to my anguish. He didn't even apologize.

Then a friend betrayed him and another attacked him. He came home crying and as I comforted him he apologized again for the way he had been acting. Jim stayed close to home for a few days and showered me with affection. He said he wanted to find another church. I agreed and we called around. I felt lead to Living Water Community Church. The first sunday I attended, I knew I had found my home.

Jim continuted to do "favors" for guys selling grass and arguing that he wasn't really doing anything wrong. I tried in vain to convince him of the potential jail time, he wouldn't listen. He refused to give up some of the negative influences from his friends. He did start working for this woman with 3 kids named Amanda. He wanted me to stay home and let him work. I agreed. Money was very tight but he seemed to florish in the role of sole breadwinner. His anger subsided.

We started marriage counseling with Pastor. I again had hope.